Fat Little Piggy

When we were told that we would need to purse IVF w/ICSI to have a biological child it seemed impossible. Everything just seemed like a blur. How? What? When? Where? WHY (us)??? I remember talking to my sisters about it and it just sounded so...foreign. Like a dream nightmare. I couldn't believe the words that I was speaking, I couldn't believe that I had developed this whole new language called infertility. That's probably one reason Josh and I kept our IF battle to ourselves for so long. When we'd start to talk to someone about our issues it didn't take long for the deer in the head lights look to happen. It was so overwhelming. 

But here we are. Just three months ago (exactly) we had our first RE appointment. We knew ahead of time that we he would tell us that we would need to do IVF. I felt prepared to hear it...but I wasn't. Oh my how it stung. It's one thing to read something on Google and gather your own information. But when you hear your diagnosis from someone who's profession is (in)fertility, it just becomes so real. My head was flooded with so many thoughts and fears but my heart was full of as much peace and hope as I could muster.

We didn't know what we were going to do. How would we get through this? How in the world are we going to pay for this? $15,000 is a TON of money and we do not live on credit cards. Do we just drain every last penny in our savings account and then some? Should we tell our parents? Should we tell our friends? Will everyone think we lost faith and hope in our Almighty Creator?? What about all those shots I'll need....ummm is Josh going to be able to stab me in the booty with those?!?! ((I may require him to practice on some oranges first))

So much has changed in three months.

We started our IVF savings account with $5,300 of our own money (technically my sister, Mea jump started this account on my 25th birthday with $25 : D). We knew draining our account was unwise so we left some in there and set back a chunk for our treatment. Then a family member generously donated $3,000. We were blown away and realized that people simply love. People want to help. We would want to help too if a family member or friend was going through the same thing. It's called being a blessing. Though at times it's been hard to receive, we know we need to. Then another family member donated $1,500. Then $300, then $100, random $25-$40 donations started coming in, then within 2 days we received 2 checks for $1,000 each. Is your jaw dropped too???

Tuesday I found out that our new RE clinic (which we'll have our first appointment on 4/24) offers a $1,800-$2,000 discount for those who's insurance covers blood work, ultrasounds, and office visits. I was pretty sure we qualified for that because everything from KU Med has been covered so far. I called our insurance company to double check and YEP, we are covered! I was so excited when I got off the phone! What a relief. Luke and I did a little happy dance together (although he was not happy about being on 2 paws).

We didn't know how we were going to make this happen but it is happening. It's not just about the financial part of it either. We've finally found a church that we really love. This is something that we've been praying about for years. We honestly didn't think we'd ever find "our church" in Topeka. I am so thankful that we have Journey Church, it came to us at the most perfect time. Our friends and family have reached out and smothered us in love and prayers. I love getting little "thinking/praying for you guys" messages. Or a big hug from a family member-mmmm the best. Things have been going quite smooth since we made the decision to do IVF. I feel like I've been able to breathe just a little easier, especially now that we're seeing a new RE. 

After I got off the phone on Tuesday with the insurance company, I took a long hot shower. The bathroom window was open and I could hear birds chirping outside. I cried, I prayed, I laughed. For the first time in a year and a half, I felt deep in my heart like I was going to be a mama and Josh was going to be a daddy. We still have a long ways to go but I have hope, I have faith. Something that has been stolen from me for a while now. I said out loud to the universe, "next spring, I'm going to have a newborn baby". I was feeling so happy, while out shopping for a friends birthday gift I didn't avoid the baby/kids section. I actually walked through there and touched things. I even bought a little something :) Sweet little burp cloths with duckies on them. $4 well spent, it was a huge step for me. Walking to the counter holding something for a baby, I smiled too. It felt good to not feel jealous, sad or empty. I was buying something for my future kid. And I liked that feeling.

We'll confirm with the new RE, but we're hoping to schedule our IVF this July. Wow.

And just to wet your appetite for a baby Eckhardt (or two)...

{little Bran}

{little Josh} 

Again and over and over again, thank you so much for helping us, praying for us and loving us. We have joyfully closed the paypal donation link. Come on July!