Sunday, September 30, 2012

Oh, Hi

Lots to update so I'm just going to jump right in! Today I am 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant!!!!!! So awesome, only one week until I'm in second trimester :) I'm about to start prenatal yoga and hoping to walk more since I'm getting more energy and not as nausea (thank you, Jesus). Let's rewind a little, shall we??

Before I post some bump shots I want to post a photo I took of myself the night before I started injects. I wanted a "pre IVF/baby" bump shot. I am glad I took it too because I did bloat quite a bit after our treatment was all said and done.

Then my IVF bloat just turned into good ol pregnancy I was on extra progesterone supplements which caused more bloating then the "normal" pregnant gal gets. Ahhhh...the power of hormones. Anyway, I felt like the bloat finally started to go down around 9ish weeks and I noticed a spot above my pelvic bone was starting to get hard. That was such an exciting moment, I remember pushing and touching it. I had Josh feel it and of course he couldn't tell. But I know my body better than anyone, and I could tell things were changing.

We graduated from MRC on 9/4/12.Oh my, was that bittersweet. I held it together while we were in the clinic but as soon as I pushed the button to fetch the elevator I cried. I couldn't believe it, we were done with MRC (for now). I will miss them so much but know that I can't stay with them my entire pregnancy. They were some of our biggest cheerleaders and their 5 star care and service was everything and more I prayed for. I could go on and on about how much I love MRC but I won't...for now anyway. And since I've now been away from them for nearly a month I an honestly tell you that my heart has been sad lately. I had my first 12w appointment with my OB here in town and I wanted to throw a fit on the floor like a child and scream "I want to go back to MRC!!!". But not for fertility treatments, because they "get it". They are so much more fragile and compassionate with infertile women. They understand the pain and roller coaster "we" go through to have a family that so many people take for granted. I saw two teenagers in the waiting hurt. I still ask why???

That's just going to take a long time to work through, maybe even my whole life. It's between my heavenly father and I. But I will say, his peace and grace does surpass all understanding. I am thankful.

Here are some sweet "graduation" gifts we received when we graduated from MRC. I was so excited, totally not expecting gifts. And look at that onsie...cannot wait to put our newborn in that precious thing!!!

They also included a $100 coupon to a 3d/4d imaging center in Kansas City. Josh and I decided a long time ago though that we wouldn't do the 3d/4d thing, we're happy with a traditional ultrasound. I'm sure it's fun and really cool...maybe if we hadn't already spent so much getting pregnant we might think about it. But we're really fine with not doing it.

So here was my 10w3d bump shot that I meant to post on here and time got away (sorry!). I felt "wow I'm getting a little bump here" on this day.

And then last Sunday at 11w3d I woke up and put my hand on my belly to tell the baby good morning and I thought "wow this thing is really sticking out and it's MORNING!" So here is my bare belly shot at 11w3d.

So lately I've been lathering up on loads of cocoa butter...I better take stock in that stuff. That is no squishy belly...starting to wonder if I'm either going to have a big baby or if I just have a large uterus. As of Thursday at my 12w appointment I am up 5 lbs! I'm proud of that number, I expected it to be more. Not because of my diet (which has been pretty good...I really crave fruit) but because of the size of my belly. 

My final update is that we got a new (to us) car!!! We've wanted a Subaru Outback for a couple of years and we finally sold my car and bought a 2008 LL Bean edition. It's awesome and we love it. Last night I was able to test out the heated seats ::swoon:: How did I ever live without those?! Looking forward to winter (more than usual) so we can test out the AWD on snowy roads.

I'll post better photos later of the inside and out, these were just from my phone the day Josh drove it home from Omaha. We love our little wagon and are thankful that we will have precious cargo to put in the backseat in about 28 weeks.

Today is supposed to be my next "official" bump photo so I might add that later. We're trying to do those every two weeks. As of right now we're really looking forward to touring the Birth and Women's center on 10/11 and we'll make a decision where we're going to give birth at (hospital vs birthing center). We are so fortunate to have a birthing center right a cross the street from the hospital, so if we need to be transferred over it's just a hop, skip and a waddle away.

P.S. HAPPY FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Alive and Well

Hello friends and family. Sorry for the lack of blogging. Funny thing when you are have zero energy. My spare time usually involves either A) Sleeping B) Eating or C) Attempting to sleep but too to nauseous actually go to sleep.

This is our first photo of our baby at 6 weeks exactly. We were able to see it's precious heart beating at 128 bpm. That is a very strong heart beat considering it's heart had just started to beat!

Josh and I stared at this photo forever, just admiring our little dot. The round thing around it is it's yolk sack. We did it, we really made a baby!

We have been doing really good, thanks for all of the well wishes, thoughts and prayers. So far this pregnancy has been a test of faith. Boy we thought our infertility journey was tough...being pregnant is a whole different level. Without going into great detail, on the 21st we had a really bad bleeding scare and were afraid our worst fears had come true. We had just saw the baby earlier in that day and actually heard the heart beat for the first time! Baby was measuring right on track at 6w5days and the heart rate was 121 bpm (they like to see it between 120-170ish).

We had to wait all night long to visit Dr. G to see if the baby was okay. It was terrible. Josh was my rock though. We prayed for so long and just held onto each other the whole night. I'm so thankful to be married to a man who does not doubt God's faithfulness. He was so strong for the three of us.

When we went in to the clinic, it was everything in me to hold it together in the waiting area. Dr. G came in and go right down to business. I appreciated that he didn't make us wait long to check out the baby or ask a bunch of questions. At that point the bleeding had stopped so there was a tiny amount of hope in me. I couldn't even look at the monitor, I just prayed for there to be a heartbeat. Josh held my hand tight and within seconds Dr. G said "and there is your baby" and we heard a "whoosh whoosh whooosh". Baby was fine but the heart rate had dropped to 105 bpm. This wasn't awesome news but Dr. G and the nurses told us to try not to worry about it and we'd check it out again in a week. I felt terrible for putting my baby through so much stress, anxiety, sleep deprivation and I hadn't eaten breakfast. We had a really rough 12ish hours.

We found out that I have a SCH (Subchorionic Hematoma) above my uterus and that was the reason why I was bleeding. There is nothing I did to cause it to happen and there isn't really much I can do to prevent it from happening again. It should absorb or bleed out on it's own. But scary, really really scary. But the best news of all is that it's not from the baby or inside my uterus.

So I made a decision that fear and worry would not control me. I had put my body and the kid through so much all because of fear. I mean I know I didn't know, when you're pregnant you do not want to see blood. I decided that I would not google anything about the heart rate dropping or worry about the SCH. I really didn't tell many people about it because I didn't want to hear any bad stories or people worrying about it. Josh and I prayed a lot, worshiped a lot and experienced the most overwhelming sense of peace ever. We were smiling, laughing and enjoying life. We were fully confident that God would show himself faithful over and over again.

We listened to three songs a lot. The first song is called "Healer" (I like the Kari Jobe version), the second song is what got us through our IF journey the most called "God Is Able" by Hillsong Live, and the final song that really got me through this battle is called "The Everlasting" by Fellowship Church. Normally I'd post them all in this post but since I already have a lot going on I'll just let you youtube them if you'd like.

So Wednesday the 29th had come to check on our baby. We had been believing for a heart rate above 130 and for the hematoma to be gone. We were not scared, we were not worried. We knew it would be ok. Dr. G came in and did the ultrasound. There the kid was...I couldn't believe how much he/she had grown in one week!!! Baby measured right on track at 7w6d and had a strong heartbeat of 151 bpm!!!!

I cried and laughed. I was so so so ecstatic, we all were! Then Dr. G said "well I can't find the hematoma." Ha!!!! Such an awesome moment that I will never forget. I cannot wait to tell Baby E about it one day. We left the clinic on cloud 9 :)

I did have one more day of bleeding but it only lasted a few hours and I really think that it was the hematoma leaving my body. Without going into detail, it was different than the last time. I wasn't scared at all when I saw it, I knew the baby was fine. Peace of God people. It's awesome.

So that should fill you up pretty much on how our lives have been going so far. Luke has been acting pretty crazy lately and I think he knows something is up. I had a little talk with him this morning telling him he has 7 months to get this crazy puppy phase out of him. He'll be almost 7 when the baby comes. He normally is really calm and chill but lately he's just been annoying and needy. He prances around me and just won't move thus results in me kneeing him out of the way and then I feel bad about it. But he isn't exactly little...he knows I'm boss. We already have a rule that he has to go down the stairs first just to make sure he doesn't accidentally bump me or something.

This Tuesday should be our last appointment at MRC. I get all teary eyed when I think about it because I love and appreciate them so much. I'll be 8w5d at that appointment and baby should really start looking like an actual baby. I'll have my first OB appointment on 9/27 and I'll be exactly 12 weeks that day. Once I see the OB I'll just be like a regular ol pregnant woman. No more 5 star treatment and attention from MRC. Bittersweet.

Here is me today at 8w3d. I told Josh I wish I had taken this photo before I had eaten lunch :)

How far along: 8w3d
Total weight gain/loss: none!
How big is Baby: Baby is about the size of a raspberry

Maternity Clothes: Not yet but I did buy a pair of maternity jeans and they are SUPER comfy. I cannot wait to wear them full time. I have been wearing a bella band since about 6 weeks. The IVF left me pretty bloated and now my bloat is starting to firm up. I have a really small torso so I'm sure I'll "pop" before 12 weeks.
Sleep: I love it and wish I got more of it. I've been waking up at night really hungry and then cannot go back to sleep for a good 2-3 hours. I'll lay there wide awake tossing and turning. It is not fun at all. 
Movement: Not yet. I can't wait!
Food cravings: What sounds good one minute sounds gross the next minute. I have been living on Jolly Ranchers for about 2 weeks now. I really like sour things and today I am embarrassed to admit that I craved pickles and pickled okra (dipped in ranch dressing of course). I love applesauce, grilled cheese and fruit smoothies (homemade ones though b/c everywhere else adds too much sugar). Oh and mashed potatoes.
Food aversions: Eggs, fast food or anything greasy. 
Gender: We still cannot decided if we want to find out. We're leaning more towards yes but we still have time to decide.
Symptoms: Nausea (constant) and a lot of other unpleasant things that I'm not going to mention b/c I don't know who all reads this ;) Also, I have to snack It's crazy and I feel like I'm growing a giant baby. But if I don't snack then I will throw snacking wins.
Best moment this week: Seeing our baby's heartbeat at 151 bpm!
What I am looking forward to: Seeing the baby again on Tuesday and graduating from MRC. I cannot wait for the day when we get to send them a birth announcement of our little miracle :)