Here - We - Go

I'm not sure why my video won't upload. Arghh...technology. 

Anyway, I made a video instead of writing. Follow the link below to tune in!

IVF Baseline 1 Update

Cart Before Horse Queen

That's me.

I blame it on the fact that I've always known I would be a mama. I never believed in "jinxing" myself. Over the past 5 years or so, I've gradually picked up things here and there. Little did I know that I'd have a huge blue tub full of baby items.

And no baby.

Yet.

So I thought I'd share my little secret stash with you. This post will have lots of photos. After all, they're worth a thousand words right? Going through my blue tub brings lots of emotions. Sad, happy, fear, hope, questions and some how there is a little bit of peace.

It's also good motivation. I refuse to let those items go untouched by a baby. Our baby.

Let's start with an item that is very dear to our hearts. If you know us in real life, you know that we *love* Mid-Century Modern design/furniture.

We've found some amazing things on craigslist and auctions-we're always on the look out for a great deal. Which is how Josh found this.

 

Josh found this probably about a year ago. I've known for a long time that I wanted a small rocking chair (I'm kind of a small person).

I didn't want a glider and I didn't want anything traditional. When Josh called me to tell me he found a cool rocking chair for me I was very hesitant in buying it. We had been diagnosed with PCOS and I didn't like the thought of a rocking chair just sitting in my house...not being rocked. But I went to look at it and fell in love. Plus it was only like $55, can't really beat that! We want to reupholster it but we're waiting to see what we paint the nursery. 

I love it. It...well it rocks. Plus Josh found it which makes it so much more precious to me.

  

Books. We love them. I've picked up a couple of them but there is one that is extra special.

We bought this April 2009 (wow...can't believe it's been that long). We went to the San Diego where I shot a wedding and then drove up the coast to San Francisco. We had such a great time, can't wait to go back. We especially enjoyed San Fran, we just really like big cities that have either mountains or the coast. The first morning that we were in San Fran, we woke up early (it was a Monday) and grabbed a coffee. Then we walked down to the Oakland Bay Bridge and watched the commuters come in for work. It was so much fun! They were all in a rush to get to work and Josh and I just sat there and watched-it was like a zoo.

There was a bookshop at the bridge so we browsed through. We were going to buy a book or two for ourselves, but instead we found a sweet little retro childrens book about San Francisco. I love this book so much, I can't wait for our kids to look through it and point to all of the colorful photos.

 

Toys. Actually, just toy. 

 

I bought this at an antique shop in OK right before we started trying for a baby. I believe it was summer 2010. How could you resist this adorable playful toy!!?? It has German writing on the bottom and from research it was made round the 60s-70s. Josh and I decided though that since it's so old, it will be going on a shelf. I'd love to focus the design and era around this toy though :)

Here are just some more random finds...

Yellowstone/Jackson Hole, WY trip-Aug 2010

My dad is a firefighter. I bought this Nov 2009 because it's how I wanted to tell him we were pregnant. I've wanted to be pregnant for so long now.

I bought these the day Josh gave me the "ok" to start trying. It was probably Aug 2010. I told myself I was going to buy a box every time I went to the store. Luckily I changed my mind, otherwise I I'd have a room full  of diapers! These are the only ones I have. We'll start buying more once we see 2 pink lines.

I bought this cool baby carrier Fall 2011. I got a good deal on it so I couldn't resist. Oh speaking of good deals, I forgot to take a pic of our pack n play. I got a ton of use out it when my niece was little so I am glad I bought that when I did (embarrassingly Summer 2007).

Who could resist this KU Jayhawk bib/burp cloth set?!?! I couldn't lol. I bought this Sept 2010 and had intended keeping it to myself and giving it to Josh when I found out I was pregnant. That didn't last long though, I was too excited about my find and showed him a couple of days after I bought it.

 

 

Today, I found a beautiful black and white swaddle blanket and green receiving blanket.

 

I'm over the moon with the black and white swaddle blanket, it's so thin and perfect for a burrito baby.

 

And here is pretty much everything.

It's a reminder to me that no matter what, we're going to be parents. I'm going to be a mama and Josh is going to be a daddy. We'll get there-one day at a time.

Next Monday, May 28th I'll take my first Provera pill to induce my period. From the day of my first pill it will take about 14 days. On cycle day 2 or 3  I'll go for my baseline ultrasound to see how everything looks.  If everything looks good then I'll start birth control pills. I'll be on BCP for about 3 weeks, then start injects.

I'm ready and going through my big blue box makes me excited. We are only doing IVF once, that means this is pretty much our only shot for a biological child/children. Please, oh please God have your hand in it all.

Rambling & Photos-What I Do Best

Hey, hi, how ya doin?!? It's May! Can you believe that? Crazy to me, just seems like a few weeks ago that we had our first RE appointment. This is going to be a really fun and quick month for us. Our dear friend, Rachel, is getting married!!! She asked me to photograph her big day and I excitedly said "yes yes yes". I always cry at weddings, usually when the bride walks down the isle and the father (or someone special) gives her away. I usually don't know the bride (when shooting weddings), but I still cry. I am already preparing myself for an emotional day on Saturday. I have to hold it together, though Rachel is my friend she has hired me to do a job. I am determined to make this my best photographed wedding yet. It's a beautiful thing, marriage. I often think of how beautiful my marriage is to Josh and how darn lucky I am to have him. So, we'll be heading down to my home state of OK Friday night, wedding and festivities on Saturday, dinner with my dad and step-mom that night then taking my sister and her kiddos out for Mother's Day breakfast on Sunday.

I wish this weekend lasted longer, I haven't been to OK since December and really miss people. I'd love to spend more time with them but it's going to fly. I probably won't be able to make another trip down until August or September. But we'll make the best of it, I can think of a handful of people that I can't wait to squeeze! This month is Josh's birthday (he'll be 27) and my oldest nephew turns 16. Holy.Cow. Josh and Matthew share the same birthday, the 17th. Matthew is like a little brother to me, I was 9.5 years old when he was born and babysat him a ton. I LOVED hanging out with that kid, still do. I hate living out of state and missing some of my nieces and nephews grow up. I mean just look how much they change in just 6 years. Here are some photos of  my nephews and nieces (a few of them anyway) on our wedding day, 10/22/2005.

{Jordan, Freedom, Matthew (my oldest sister's, Crystal, kids) and Caleb (my brother's son)}

Now here are photos of the little rug rats this past fall, pretty much a 6 year difference.

{Yours truly and Jordan}

{Freedom and I on my wedding day}

{Freedom (yes, she was 10 in this shot)}

{Caleb}

{Matthew}

I have more nieces and nephews, but these are the ones that live in OK. I miss and love them like crazy. I'll get to hug their necks and give Matthew a big birthday kiss whether he likes it or not. I won't see Caleb though, just my big sister's kiddos this time. Speaking of sisters, here are my ladies. Melissa (or Mea) lives in Kansas City and Crystal lives in Muskogee, OK. Crystal is the oldest of us girls and is the hot mama to Matthew, Jordan and Freedom.

{Mea, me and Crystal}

Anywho...later this month we'll celebrate Josh's birthday. Can't believe he'll be 27! I have been finding some white/gray hair too ;) I'm ok with that though, he's going to be one of those guys that looks good with white or gray hair, like Anderson Cooper. Oh speaking of birthdays! Guess who turned 6 years old?!?!

This was the first year I forgot his birthday on his birthday. I almost cried last night because I realized his birthday was on May 2nd and we didn't even tell him happy birthday or take him to Petsmart to let him pick out a new two and some treats. I felt terrible and told him I was sorry and I'd make it up to him. I know he's just a dog but he really is my kid. I adore Luke, he is such a great dog. He has crazy ears that drive me nuts and a tail that is hard as a bat. Other than that he's awesome. So happy birthday to Luke this month too!

IF update: Not much going on right now. We're enjoying these last few weeks of no treatment and our lives not being consumed (any more than it already is) with IVF stuff. The end of this month I'll take Provera to induce a period (unless my miracle I get one on my own) and then go in for my baseline ultrasound on CD 2 or 3. Then I'll go on birth control for about 3 weeks to put my reproductive system in a "sleeping" state and start meds/injects ::ahhhhh:: mid-end June. We'll go in to sign a ton of consent forms and learn how to do injects in the middle of June.

I am so thankful that we decided for the month of July. It's not rushed, it gives us time to prepare and wrap our heads around everything, and we have no plans that month. Everything so far has seemed perfect about July. I'm getting excited about making a (high tech) baby (or several) instead of months and months of trying with no avail. Praying that God's hand is in every move we make and he blesses us with some very healthy embryos and my ute is nice and cozy for them.

RE Appointment Take 2

Sorry for the delay in updating about our appointment on Tuesday. I (Bran) came down with a cold and have been just feeling kind of blahhhh. I know many of you have been wondering how it went and if we are officially on the books for IVF this summer.

Let me start by saying that for the past three weeks, KU Med  has given us the ultimate run around with getting our medical records transferred over to our new clinic, Midwest Reproductive Center (MRC). I have been so stressed out about this, I finally just had to let Josh handle it. They were very uncooperative, rude and strait up lied to me. I don't really want to go into details but if you're reading this and are in the Kansas/Missouri area and are thinking about going to KU Med, please feel free to email me at brandyeckhardt@gmail.com and I'd be happy to tell you about our experience there.

So the day before our appointment, MRC still doesn't have our medical records. About 4:00 pm Josh texts me and says that MRC has some of our medical records-finally! We really didn't want to go to our appointment and our new clinic not even have our medical history...especially my latest blood work, ultrasounds and Josh's semen analysis information. I can finally relax now, everything is good to go.

Tuesday was beautiful, sunny and high 80s. We arrived at the clinic with a warm smile from the receptionist and a refrigerator full of bottles of water (they read my mind!). We waited for about 15 minutes and then a nurse called our name. I was expecting her to just take us to an office to meet with the doctor but instead she spent the next 40 minutes talking to us about our IF journey. She explained in detail what our issues were and told us why we cannot do this and that and why IVF is our it best and only option. I noticed she was asking a lot of questions about our diagnosis that I felt she should have already known (like Josh's sperm counts and what tests he has had done). I asked her "umm just out of curiosity, do you not have our medical records?" she said "no, KU Med just sent over two pieces of papers".

I could instantly feel my cheeks getting hot. You've GOT to be kidding me. I wanted to cry.

She was very nice about it all and assured us that even though it would be beneficial to have those documents it's not necessary. Luckily, I was able to tell her all of Josh's counts from his past SA's and tell her about my follicle filled ovaries. She was impressed that I remembered such specific details (I told  her I blogged lol). She talked to us more about IVF and what types of medications I would be on. I appreciated that she explained the cause and effect of each medication in a way that we could understand. She was very nice and answered all of our questions with knowledge and respect. She left and said they doctor would be in to visit with us in just a few moments.

Josh looked at me and sighed a HUGE sigh of relief and said "a thousand times better". We hadn't even met the RE yet and we were already sold. Before we knew it, our RE knocked on the door. That was fast!

Meet Dr. Dan Gehlbach! 

Dr. Gehlbach is a native of Kansas City. He received his BS degree from the United States Military Academy, West Point, in 1979. He obtained his MD degree from the University of Kansas in 1983 and completed his residency at William Beaumont Army Medical Center in El Paso, Texas. In 1992, Dr. Gehlbach completed a Reproductive Endocrinology fellowship at John Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland. Dr Gehlbach is board certified both in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility and Obstetrics and Gynecology. 

When he first walked in I thought "Oh my gosh he looks like Josh's uncle Paul" lol. Not so much in this picture but Josh agreed too. Paul seems to be more tan though...maybe that's because the only time I see him is in the summer :) One thing I noticed about Dr. Gehlbach is that he wasn't wearing a white coat...just regular slacks, shirt, nice tie, and a name tag. Maybe he does wear one and he was just hot that day, who knows but I liked it. He just seemed so normal, Josh and I both felt genuinely cared for. Which is the completed opposite of what our experience from Dr. Kim was. 

We talked with Dr. G for about 15 minutes about IVF and what our thoughts/concerns/feelings were. He never hesitated when he answered. Not once. He was very confident in what he was saying and how he treats his patients. We really just had two concerns. One was that because I have PCOS and have "ripe" ovaries, I am a perfect candidate of OHSS (click the link to learn about that). So you know...I don't want my ovaries to explode while on fertility medication. That really doesn't sound like a good time for anyone. He told us that he and many other RE's have a method to prevent OHSS from happening. He has never once had a patient experience OHSS. I breathed a sigh of relief. 

Our second and biggest concern was embryo quality. This was something that in February, Dr. Kim brought up. Dr. Kim said that since Josh has such low sperm count and poor quality that our embryo quality may be poor. He then suggested sperm donation but we'd already decided that wasn't something we were interested in pursuing. This really made us rethink things and want to seek a second opinion. I know of people with lower sperm count and quality than Josh's and they went on to have very healthy IVF babies. I know no one has a crystal ball and we certainly want our RE to be honest with us. But what he said just didn't sit right with us.

When we told Dr. G about that, he kind of shook his head and cocked an eye brow. He said "well Josh you do have sperm, and I'm certain we can get at least a couple dozen healthy ones. That's not an issue at all." He told us that our chances of a successful IVF baby(s) ((hehe)) will not decrease because of our diagnosis. We finished our appointment and shook hands. I wanted to hug him. Josh told him how impressed we were and that it was a night and day experience from KU Med. He thanked Josh for the kind words and said that when he decided to open his own clinic he knew he had to have a great staff. Very true, because even though Dr. Kim may be a great RE, his staff is terrible and not at all something that we want to deal with while going through IVF.

Then we met with the financial coordinator (who looked just like Sally Field) to talk about when we're game for IVF and how we're going to pay. Can I just tell you how RELIEVED Josh and I were that we were able to decline the financing applications. When she asked "do you guys know how you'll be paying for your treatment?" we just smiled big grins because we could say - CASH! She was so happy for us, she said it's rare that people are able to pay for it all up front. We're unbelievably blessed and grateful. I wish I could tell you how I felt, I can't even think of a word. A huge burden has been lifted off our shoulders, we never would have imagined that we'd be able to do IVF this summer. I had hoped for this fall and Josh was thinking Spring 2013.

Things are going really smooth right now...hoping it stays like that too. I'll post later on when I start meds and what are protocol will be like. As of right now we're just taking it easy and Josh is wrapping this semester of college. He's thinking about taking a course or two this summer but not sure. I have a couple of weddings lined up to shoot for May and June so that will keep me occupied. I think that's all, hope I answered some questions. If not feel free to leave a question and I'll get back with you :)

 I can't believe we're //this// close to treatment AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! 

Fat Little Piggy

When we were told that we would need to purse IVF w/ICSI to have a biological child it seemed impossible. Everything just seemed like a blur. How? What? When? Where? WHY (us)??? I remember talking to my sisters about it and it just sounded so...foreign. Like a dream nightmare. I couldn't believe the words that I was speaking, I couldn't believe that I had developed this whole new language called infertility. That's probably one reason Josh and I kept our IF battle to ourselves for so long. When we'd start to talk to someone about our issues it didn't take long for the deer in the head lights look to happen. It was so overwhelming. 

But here we are. Just three months ago (exactly) we had our first RE appointment. We knew ahead of time that we he would tell us that we would need to do IVF. I felt prepared to hear it...but I wasn't. Oh my how it stung. It's one thing to read something on Google and gather your own information. But when you hear your diagnosis from someone who's profession is (in)fertility, it just becomes so real. My head was flooded with so many thoughts and fears but my heart was full of as much peace and hope as I could muster.

We didn't know what we were going to do. How would we get through this? How in the world are we going to pay for this? $15,000 is a TON of money and we do not live on credit cards. Do we just drain every last penny in our savings account and then some? Should we tell our parents? Should we tell our friends? Will everyone think we lost faith and hope in our Almighty Creator?? What about all those shots I'll need....ummm is Josh going to be able to stab me in the booty with those?!?! ((I may require him to practice on some oranges first))

So much has changed in three months.

We started our IVF savings account with $5,300 of our own money (technically my sister, Mea jump started this account on my 25th birthday with $25 : D). We knew draining our account was unwise so we left some in there and set back a chunk for our treatment. Then a family member generously donated $3,000. We were blown away and realized that people simply love. People want to help. We would want to help too if a family member or friend was going through the same thing. It's called being a blessing. Though at times it's been hard to receive, we know we need to. Then another family member donated $1,500. Then $300, then $100, random $25-$40 donations started coming in, then within 2 days we received 2 checks for $1,000 each. Is your jaw dropped too???

Tuesday I found out that our new RE clinic (which we'll have our first appointment on 4/24) offers a $1,800-$2,000 discount for those who's insurance covers blood work, ultrasounds, and office visits. I was pretty sure we qualified for that because everything from KU Med has been covered so far. I called our insurance company to double check and YEP, we are covered! I was so excited when I got off the phone! What a relief. Luke and I did a little happy dance together (although he was not happy about being on 2 paws).

We didn't know how we were going to make this happen but it is happening. It's not just about the financial part of it either. We've finally found a church that we really love. This is something that we've been praying about for years. We honestly didn't think we'd ever find "our church" in Topeka. I am so thankful that we have Journey Church, it came to us at the most perfect time. Our friends and family have reached out and smothered us in love and prayers. I love getting little "thinking/praying for you guys" messages. Or a big hug from a family member-mmmm the best. Things have been going quite smooth since we made the decision to do IVF. I feel like I've been able to breathe just a little easier, especially now that we're seeing a new RE. 

After I got off the phone on Tuesday with the insurance company, I took a long hot shower. The bathroom window was open and I could hear birds chirping outside. I cried, I prayed, I laughed. For the first time in a year and a half, I felt deep in my heart like I was going to be a mama and Josh was going to be a daddy. We still have a long ways to go but I have hope, I have faith. Something that has been stolen from me for a while now. I said out loud to the universe, "next spring, I'm going to have a newborn baby". I was feeling so happy, while out shopping for a friends birthday gift I didn't avoid the baby/kids section. I actually walked through there and touched things. I even bought a little something :) Sweet little burp cloths with duckies on them. $4 well spent, it was a huge step for me. Walking to the counter holding something for a baby, I smiled too. It felt good to not feel jealous, sad or empty. I was buying something for my future kid. And I liked that feeling.

We'll confirm with the new RE, but we're hoping to schedule our IVF this July. Wow.

And just to wet your appetite for a baby Eckhardt (or two)...

{little Bran}

{little Josh} 

Again and over and over again, thank you so much for helping us, praying for us and loving us. We have joyfully closed the paypal donation link. Come on July!

Video tour of IVF

Hey everyone, this is Josh. Brandy and I just want to say thank you again to everyone who has donated to our IVF fund and for keeping us in your prayers. We are so close to our goal and we could not have made it this quickly without all of your generous donations. So once again thank you so much. 

As you know our appointment with the new doctor is not until the end of this month so we are kind of in a holding pattern until then. But while we are waiting we just wanted to share this video with everyone. Brandy found it the other day so we watched it and thought it was pretty cool. It is an IVF lab in New York that has walked through the basic steps of the actual IVF procedure inside the lab. We thought it was pretty cool to be able to see how the procedure is actually done. The type of IVF that we will have to do is the second one that they talk about called ICSI. This is where they take a single sperm and fertilize the egg manually. So anyway here is the video, enjoy.

Our Anthem

This song has been our anthem. Every single word of the song reaches to the core of our hearts. Enjoy :)

Also, the little piggy bank is getting bigger! We received a $1,000 gift from a family member today. I cried. Shocked and so thankful. We have awesome family and friends...and an awesome God. He is able.