Pros vs Cons

We've kept relatively quiet about our IF journey so far. A few friends and family members know but definitely not the whole world. Which has been good and difficult at the same time. Those who know me (Bran) know that I've wanted to be a mom for a really long time. I've been babysitting since I was 10 years old, worked at a daycare in high school and nannied for over two years. I love kids...and I take great pride in being an aunt. So I think it's been a bit of surprise to a lot of people that we don't have kids (yet). Heck it's been a surprise to Josh and I too!

So for the past oh...maybe four or five years, we have become accustomed to people asking us "so when are you going to have kids?", "don't you want kids?", "Brandy you're such a good aunt, why don't you have one of your own?". The answer was always the same, "yes we do want kids but we'd like to be married for five years first since we got married so young". That was true and such an easy answer and usually ended the conversation.

But after we realized that this would be a more difficult journey than we had anticipated, it was like a kick in the gut when people asked us the same simple questions about having children. Some days it was easy to answer and I'd put on my brave face and say "oh whenever, we're not avoiding or trying" or the old standby "we're still young". Which isn't a lie, we are young. But when you're going through IF-time is your best friend....or your worst enemy. Some days it was hard to answer "the question" and look at that person right in the eyes and hold my stuff together. It's taken some time for me to realize that 99.9% of the time when people ask this question, they ask because they care and not necessarily to be nosy.

Josh and I have carefully realized that there are pros and cons to "coming out of the IF closet". Especially now that our only medical option is IVF w/ICSI. People have opinions and aren't afraid to share those opinions with you. There are good things and bad things about telling people you're going though infertility. Let's talk about some pros and cons...

PROS

• Support-Emotional, spiritual (prayer), and financial (see that cute little donate button at the top of the page...it works!). Going through infertility is extremely expensive. We're 100% OOP (out of pocket) for our IVF treatments. Also, we have to drive to KC a lot for appointments...it adds up quickly. 
• Everyone has a story-IF is unfortunately common. It's probably a lot more common than most realize but because it is a very personal experience it's kept private. It is a heart wrenching battle and not everyone feels ok to open up about it. That was us for the past year and a half. But one thing that has been really cool is that if I mention something about going through IF, I always hear a success story. It's never an easy success story, that couple went through hell to become a family. But at the end of the day, they have a child.
• Sensitivity- When people know, they don't often ask, but when they do it's in a much more sensitive way. This has been our experience so far, it may change once we go public, but who knows. We don't want people to feel sad or sorry for us. Infertility isn't a period, it's just a comma. We will get through this one day. This is our life and we won't allow IF to define us. Yes, it has changed us but we know God is great and bigger than IF.
• Awareness-There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Some things are embarrassing but you get over it. You know you're going through IF when you can sit at the dinner table and talk about your reproductive organs and all that it entails. We know there is a time and place for everything but if more people stood up and talked about their IF journey there would be more awareness for IF. There would be more medical advancements and financial coverage. This is not something we chose to go through, it's unfair that we get treated like it is by insurance companies. But we would like to become advocates for IF. If you're reading this and going through IF, I encourage you to SPEAK UP! Write a letter to your congressman (or woman) and fight infertility. It's not going to happen over night but maybe by time our kids have kids...there will be huge advancements and financial support. Go to www.resolve.org for more info on how to bring awareness to IF.

CONS

• Privacy-It's a double edge sword. You want people to know but then you don't want them to be in your business. Something really important and that Josh and I have thought about is people knowing when we do our IVF cycle. That's a lot of pressure on us, especially knowing that there are many people helping us afford this very expensive treatment. It's not a 100% guarantee, even though we wish it was. We don't want to let people down, It's kind of sad to think about that but I do. I worry that when we cycle we'll have people calling, emailing, texting, facebooking....all because they care and want to know how it went and how we're doing. That's one reason why we started a blog. We want to keep people updated and if they are curious where we're at on bring baby E into the world we can direct them to the blog. We're thankful for technology and being to share this journey with those we love. This blog is for you.
• Everyone has a story- I don't mind hearing the unsuccessful stories. I mean, I wish they didn't exist but I'm not naive. I know that nothing is a guarantee. But what I mean by this con is that it gets old hearing "maybe you should try this...my friend went through infertility and they gave her some Clomid and she got pregnant right away". Yep, that's awesome but that's not what we're going through. Everyone's IF journey is unique and what works for one person may not be the answer for the other person. Trust me, we've looked into EVERY option to have a baby. I have an ovulation/endocrine disorder and my ovaries are not doing their job. Yes, there are ovulation drugs out there I can take (and they may or may not work) but my sweet dear husband's swimmers will not reach that egg. Apparently the cervix is a hostile environment and there is a reason why men need millllllions of sperm to have a baby. So, please think twice before giving options or suggestions. I promise we know and our fertility specialist knows too. We wish it could be more simple but those weren't the cards dealt to us. We're doing the best we can and trusting the Lord as we go.

I'm sure there are more pros and cons but my little blogging fingers are tired and I have a hungry husband to tend to. Tonight we're going bowling for Bowl for Kids Sake (Big Brothers Big Sisters) and then heading to Lawrence, KS to see Blind Pilot. Looking forward to a really fun night, hope yours is great too :)

Thanks for reading and caring.