Cart Before Horse Queen

That's me.

I blame it on the fact that I've always known I would be a mama. I never believed in "jinxing" myself. Over the past 5 years or so, I've gradually picked up things here and there. Little did I know that I'd have a huge blue tub full of baby items.

And no baby.

Yet.

So I thought I'd share my little secret stash with you. This post will have lots of photos. After all, they're worth a thousand words right? Going through my blue tub brings lots of emotions. Sad, happy, fear, hope, questions and some how there is a little bit of peace.

It's also good motivation. I refuse to let those items go untouched by a baby. Our baby.

Let's start with an item that is very dear to our hearts. If you know us in real life, you know that we *love* Mid-Century Modern design/furniture.

We've found some amazing things on craigslist and auctions-we're always on the look out for a great deal. Which is how Josh found this.

 

Josh found this probably about a year ago. I've known for a long time that I wanted a small rocking chair (I'm kind of a small person).

I didn't want a glider and I didn't want anything traditional. When Josh called me to tell me he found a cool rocking chair for me I was very hesitant in buying it. We had been diagnosed with PCOS and I didn't like the thought of a rocking chair just sitting in my house...not being rocked. But I went to look at it and fell in love. Plus it was only like $55, can't really beat that! We want to reupholster it but we're waiting to see what we paint the nursery. 

I love it. It...well it rocks. Plus Josh found it which makes it so much more precious to me.

  

Books. We love them. I've picked up a couple of them but there is one that is extra special.

We bought this April 2009 (wow...can't believe it's been that long). We went to the San Diego where I shot a wedding and then drove up the coast to San Francisco. We had such a great time, can't wait to go back. We especially enjoyed San Fran, we just really like big cities that have either mountains or the coast. The first morning that we were in San Fran, we woke up early (it was a Monday) and grabbed a coffee. Then we walked down to the Oakland Bay Bridge and watched the commuters come in for work. It was so much fun! They were all in a rush to get to work and Josh and I just sat there and watched-it was like a zoo.

There was a bookshop at the bridge so we browsed through. We were going to buy a book or two for ourselves, but instead we found a sweet little retro childrens book about San Francisco. I love this book so much, I can't wait for our kids to look through it and point to all of the colorful photos.

 

Toys. Actually, just toy. 

 

I bought this at an antique shop in OK right before we started trying for a baby. I believe it was summer 2010. How could you resist this adorable playful toy!!?? It has German writing on the bottom and from research it was made round the 60s-70s. Josh and I decided though that since it's so old, it will be going on a shelf. I'd love to focus the design and era around this toy though :)

Here are just some more random finds...

Yellowstone/Jackson Hole, WY trip-Aug 2010

My dad is a firefighter. I bought this Nov 2009 because it's how I wanted to tell him we were pregnant. I've wanted to be pregnant for so long now.

I bought these the day Josh gave me the "ok" to start trying. It was probably Aug 2010. I told myself I was going to buy a box every time I went to the store. Luckily I changed my mind, otherwise I I'd have a room full  of diapers! These are the only ones I have. We'll start buying more once we see 2 pink lines.

I bought this cool baby carrier Fall 2011. I got a good deal on it so I couldn't resist. Oh speaking of good deals, I forgot to take a pic of our pack n play. I got a ton of use out it when my niece was little so I am glad I bought that when I did (embarrassingly Summer 2007).

Who could resist this KU Jayhawk bib/burp cloth set?!?! I couldn't lol. I bought this Sept 2010 and had intended keeping it to myself and giving it to Josh when I found out I was pregnant. That didn't last long though, I was too excited about my find and showed him a couple of days after I bought it.

 

 

Today, I found a beautiful black and white swaddle blanket and green receiving blanket.

 

I'm over the moon with the black and white swaddle blanket, it's so thin and perfect for a burrito baby.

 

And here is pretty much everything.

It's a reminder to me that no matter what, we're going to be parents. I'm going to be a mama and Josh is going to be a daddy. We'll get there-one day at a time.

Next Monday, May 28th I'll take my first Provera pill to induce my period. From the day of my first pill it will take about 14 days. On cycle day 2 or 3  I'll go for my baseline ultrasound to see how everything looks.  If everything looks good then I'll start birth control pills. I'll be on BCP for about 3 weeks, then start injects.

I'm ready and going through my big blue box makes me excited. We are only doing IVF once, that means this is pretty much our only shot for a biological child/children. Please, oh please God have your hand in it all.

Rambling & Photos-What I Do Best

Hey, hi, how ya doin?!? It's May! Can you believe that? Crazy to me, just seems like a few weeks ago that we had our first RE appointment. This is going to be a really fun and quick month for us. Our dear friend, Rachel, is getting married!!! She asked me to photograph her big day and I excitedly said "yes yes yes". I always cry at weddings, usually when the bride walks down the isle and the father (or someone special) gives her away. I usually don't know the bride (when shooting weddings), but I still cry. I am already preparing myself for an emotional day on Saturday. I have to hold it together, though Rachel is my friend she has hired me to do a job. I am determined to make this my best photographed wedding yet. It's a beautiful thing, marriage. I often think of how beautiful my marriage is to Josh and how darn lucky I am to have him. So, we'll be heading down to my home state of OK Friday night, wedding and festivities on Saturday, dinner with my dad and step-mom that night then taking my sister and her kiddos out for Mother's Day breakfast on Sunday.

I wish this weekend lasted longer, I haven't been to OK since December and really miss people. I'd love to spend more time with them but it's going to fly. I probably won't be able to make another trip down until August or September. But we'll make the best of it, I can think of a handful of people that I can't wait to squeeze! This month is Josh's birthday (he'll be 27) and my oldest nephew turns 16. Holy.Cow. Josh and Matthew share the same birthday, the 17th. Matthew is like a little brother to me, I was 9.5 years old when he was born and babysat him a ton. I LOVED hanging out with that kid, still do. I hate living out of state and missing some of my nieces and nephews grow up. I mean just look how much they change in just 6 years. Here are some photos of  my nephews and nieces (a few of them anyway) on our wedding day, 10/22/2005.

{Jordan, Freedom, Matthew (my oldest sister's, Crystal, kids) and Caleb (my brother's son)}

Now here are photos of the little rug rats this past fall, pretty much a 6 year difference.

{Yours truly and Jordan}

{Freedom and I on my wedding day}

{Freedom (yes, she was 10 in this shot)}

{Caleb}

{Matthew}

I have more nieces and nephews, but these are the ones that live in OK. I miss and love them like crazy. I'll get to hug their necks and give Matthew a big birthday kiss whether he likes it or not. I won't see Caleb though, just my big sister's kiddos this time. Speaking of sisters, here are my ladies. Melissa (or Mea) lives in Kansas City and Crystal lives in Muskogee, OK. Crystal is the oldest of us girls and is the hot mama to Matthew, Jordan and Freedom.

{Mea, me and Crystal}

Anywho...later this month we'll celebrate Josh's birthday. Can't believe he'll be 27! I have been finding some white/gray hair too ;) I'm ok with that though, he's going to be one of those guys that looks good with white or gray hair, like Anderson Cooper. Oh speaking of birthdays! Guess who turned 6 years old?!?!

This was the first year I forgot his birthday on his birthday. I almost cried last night because I realized his birthday was on May 2nd and we didn't even tell him happy birthday or take him to Petsmart to let him pick out a new two and some treats. I felt terrible and told him I was sorry and I'd make it up to him. I know he's just a dog but he really is my kid. I adore Luke, he is such a great dog. He has crazy ears that drive me nuts and a tail that is hard as a bat. Other than that he's awesome. So happy birthday to Luke this month too!

IF update: Not much going on right now. We're enjoying these last few weeks of no treatment and our lives not being consumed (any more than it already is) with IVF stuff. The end of this month I'll take Provera to induce a period (unless my miracle I get one on my own) and then go in for my baseline ultrasound on CD 2 or 3. Then I'll go on birth control for about 3 weeks to put my reproductive system in a "sleeping" state and start meds/injects ::ahhhhh:: mid-end June. We'll go in to sign a ton of consent forms and learn how to do injects in the middle of June.

I am so thankful that we decided for the month of July. It's not rushed, it gives us time to prepare and wrap our heads around everything, and we have no plans that month. Everything so far has seemed perfect about July. I'm getting excited about making a (high tech) baby (or several) instead of months and months of trying with no avail. Praying that God's hand is in every move we make and he blesses us with some very healthy embryos and my ute is nice and cozy for them.